A Light That Never Goes Out
by Ladolcevita8
Summary: When seventeen year-old Rin Takashi's life was turned upside down as her family relocated to a small mid-western town in Ohio, she thought her life was over. But when she meets the mysterious and eclectic Len Kagamine, she realizes that her life is only just beginning.
1. Prologue

**A Light That Never Goes Out**

* * *

**Prologue**

There are some nights when I think the hole in my heart gets a little bit smaller, and for a moment, I stop feeling the pain. I just lie there in my bed with the covers over my head and all I can see is the fluorescent glare of my ipod screen. All I can hear is the sound of The Smiths crooning to me.

But then I would start remembering all these little things. Like how we used to listen to The Smiths together, sharing one set of earphones; one earbud in his ear and the other in mine. I would remember how he'd hum the chorus softly and his foot would tap in rhythm with the beat and I would entwine my fingers around his, and put my head on his broad shoulders and close my eyes. I would listen to the steady sound of his breathing, going in and out and in and out.

As soon as I'd start remembering all these little things, like the way his eyes would crinkle when he'd smile, his weird facial expressions that I memorized, or the way I could even remember the way he smelled, all of it would just start to consume me. I would curl up into fetal position and I would feel the sobs start to come, rising from the bottom of my stomach until it erupted at my lips, loud and unyielding gut-wrenching sobs.

Sometimes it'd even just come out of nowhere. Like I'd be online and come across a really hilarious cat image and almost instinctively, I would get on Skype to send it to him cause I knew how much he loved cats. But then I would realize I couldn't do that anymore, cause he wouldn't be there. I'd stare at his name on my friend-list and I knew I'd never again be able to click on it and the water works would just start all over again.

I think that I'm going out of my mind. Because I swear that I see him wherever I go. I could just be walking on the street and then suddenly up ahead I'll swear that I see him. I would see a boy with blonde hair wearing a set of headphones and plastic bands on his wrists and I almost call out his name. But then I would notice that it wasn't him and his name would die in my mouth unspoken.

There's a physical pain too, as if my heart is actually, literally breaking. It's like this dull throbbing pain in the core of my chest and I take long gasping inhales of air like that would even help, and of course it doesn't. It never does. But the worst part is, feeling like you lost a chunk of yourself. Mom says that this was just puppy-love and as soon as I fall for someone else, I'll forget about him entirely. But that's where she's wrong. Because nobody could replace him. In fact, nobody can replace anyone, because everyone is their own unique person. I could go my entire life trying to find pieces of him in other people, but even if I met a million people no one would ever be him. He was perfect with all his imperfections, with all his quirks that no one else could ever replicate. That was the worst part of it all, feeling as though I had lost my best friend, the love of my life, and that this hole that he had created in my heart would never again be filled up by anyone else but him.

Then I go into the next stage of my grief cycle: I detach. I look back and remember all the smiles and the laughter, the sunsets and the fights and all of it, and none of it feels real. Like I just imagined it or like it was a dream that I woke up from. If I blink it almost seems like all of it would fade away, as if none of it ever really happened. T_here Is A Light That Never Goes Out_ keeps playing on repeat and I keep thinking about him and how weird it is that someone that was my best friend and the sun which I revolved around, suddenly becomes a stranger. Who suddenly is just gone. No explanations, no goodbyes, just gone. I start to objectify him in my mind. He stops being a person and starts becoming a "shadow person" in my memories. A shadow person-a person who is only a reflection of a real person. The bits and pieces of my memories which make up this person are the traits I've created for him because I can only remember certain events, because I choose to see him in a certain way. He becomes a warped version of himself.

I once heard this saying, that when things end you start thinking about the beginning. So I guess I'll start from the beginning, and how I met Len Kagamine.


	2. Chapter 1

** Chapter 1**

I leaned my head against the window and watched the raindrops sliding down as if they were the most fascinating things in the world. Frankly, as far as I was concerned they actually were. I felt my stomach turn when Mom first told me that we were moving. I thought she was kidding at first, but to my absolute horror it was true. I didn't understand how she would want to give up New York City, the only place I've ever known since birth, for Everwood, Ohio.

Picture New York. Even if you've never been there, I'm sure you can guess what it's like. Got it? Good. Now picture the opposite of that and you got Everwood, Ohio. Everwood is basically this rural town in the middle of nowhere. It's the kind of town where everyone knows everyone, which is pretty horrifying to me considering that in New York, if you ever embarrassed yourself in front of someone it'd be totally fine cause you'd probably never see them again when you lost them in the crowd. That obviously wasn't the case here. This place actually had corn fields. Corn. Fields.

But it wasn't really what the town looked like that bothered me, it was the fact that I was leaving my entire life behind. I was never again going to see my friends, people I've literally grown up with and even considered an extended family. They say senior year is supposed to be like, the most important time of your high school career. Well, I never really cared about all those high school clichés, but I couldn't believe that this was my last year in high school and I was having to start all over as the new kid. That had to be the worst part.

"This is a really quaint town don't you think?", Mom said. She stared at the road ahead of us but I could tell that she kept glancing towards me every now and then. I just plugged in the earphones on my ipod and increased the volume to drown her out.

"What do you want for dinner?", She kept on with the conversation despite the fact that I had barely said two words to her for the last couple hours.

"I could make lasagna, that's your favorite right? And then maybe we can go out and explore a little, or watch a movie", She rambled.

I rolled my eyes and pulled my hoodie over my head. I hated how she did this, she always did this. Whenever Mom would do something to upset me, she'd start feeling guilty and then try to like, basically bribe me to feel better by acting extra nice to me instead of apologizing 'cause that would just be too awkward for her. She's the non-confrontational type that just prefers to sweep things under the rug and move past things. Like when she and Dad got divorced when I was nine. We never talked about it, and she spoiled me with toys for months on end after that to compensate. Not that I didn't know what was going on of course. I don't ever recall a time when Mom and Dad were actually a functional loving couple, and it's hard to imagine that there was really a time when they loved each other. I once joked to my Mom that she must've only married Dad 'cause she got knocked up with me and she didn't speak to me for a couple days after that. Yeah, I guess you could say I have a pretty screwed up sense of humor.

Dad was never really a big part of my life, growing up. Probably because he was a raging alcoholic. Dad took up drinking after he got laid off from this huge firm sometime after I was born, and was never really the same again. Of course this was also the reason why my parent's marriage quickly decayed. Anyway, all I can remember about him is that he just always kind of sat around the house in a drunken stupor and never got a job. It became a sort of family routine: awkward dinner in silence at 7 PM, Mom and Dad having a screaming match about him being a lazy bum by 8 PM, and Mom coming into my room to stroke my hair and cry while I pretended to be asleep at 9 PM. So it was kind of a relief to me when Mom finally got the back bone to give Dad the boot. Dad and I have never really maintained a relationship since the divorce.

Anyways, it's not like I don't love my Mom-I do. It's just that I hate when she tries to bribe me to feel a certain way. Because honestly, why can't people just leave you alone to feel what you want to feel? It's like we live in this society where you're essentially forced to always have a smile on your face even when you're not feeling it. Like even when you're walking down the street, you're pretty much expected to smile at the stranger coming from the opposite side. But what if I don't feel like smiling? People always expect you to act and be a certain way and it can be pretty suffocating.

"Rin? Did you hear anything I just said?", Mom frowned, "I'm making lasagna for dinner, okay?"

"Yeah, fine, whatever", I mumbled. I continued to look out the window. It was a really dreary day, perfectly matching my mood. The rain was just letting up but the skies above were still dark and gloomy. The pavement was wet and smelled of asphalt.

On the streets all the houses looked old and historical, Georgian-style and made out of wood, like the kind you would see in the south in the 1860s. I wouldn't have been surprised if they actually were from 1860. You would never see those kinds of houses in New York. Which brings me to the main reason why we moved; Mom's job as a real estate agent.

"Honey, I know it must be difficult for you to adjust to changes", My mom sighed, growing exasperated with my lack of response, "But I just wish you could learn to be more positive."

"How can I be positive Mom?", I said at last. I took out my earphones and looked at her, "You decided to just one day pop into my room and tell me that we're moving to a completely different state, with no warning whatsoever. You completely uproot me from all that I've known, from all my friends, and I have zero say in it!"

"I did this for you dear", Mom replied.

"No, Mom", I said flatly, crossing my arms, "You did this for you. We moved here for your job. Don't say it was for me, this has nothing to do with me. You never even discussed it with me."

"Well, I did want to further my career", Mom admitted and then sighed, "But I'm also doing it for you. God knows it's not easy being a single mother. Am I really that terrible of a mother? I know I haven't been a really good one, but I'm trying my best here Rin"

God, how do Mothers have a way of turning things around on you? I looked at her and thought I saw her eyes almost welling up with tears and suddenly, I felt this guilt wash over me. I sighed and turned off my ipod.

"You're not a bad Mom", I said, "I mean hey, look at how I turned out. So far not pregnant or coked out beyond belief so I would say you did a pretty good job"

"You have a morbid sense of humor", Mom said. But she cracked a smile and the ice between us was broken.

It's at moments like this when you suddenly see your parents (or parent), for what they really are. Which is actually pretty freakin' weird to be honest. Because they're like, supposed to be this role model, they're supposed to be perfect right? Which doesn't even make sense because nobody is perfect. But even though you know that, you always hold your parents to a different scale. Like they're a special breed of alien, or like they're supposed to have figured out all the mysteries of life by now. But then you realize, they're like…overgrown teenagers. They still have all these insecurities or whatever, and _you_ have to be the one parenting _them._

"We're here", Mom announced as she pulled the SUV into the driveway.

I got out of the car and looked up at the house in front of me. It was a two story Colonial-styled house white-washed with a gray-tiled roof.

"It's beautiful isn't it? No more cramped New York apartments for us!", Mom chirped cheerfully as she checked out the house.

"Yeah, home sweet home" I mumbled sarcastically under my breath.

"Come help me unload the boxes", Mom said. She went around the back of the SUV and lifted the trunk.

By the time we finished bringing the boxes in, it was already dinner time. After making me a quick tv dinner (It was a lasagna tv dinner though. Ha.), Mom had already hustled off to do some paperwork in her bedroom for some important meeting tomorrow. Which meant I could finally have some time to myself. I could tell this house was at least a couple decades old, the way the staircase creaked when I went up. On the second floor were two bathrooms and three bedrooms. I chose the one at the very end to claim as my own.

I opened the door slowly and moved in a couple boxes of my things. The walls were painted a dark blue, and a flimsy white curtain hung from the windows. But what I really liked about the room was that it had a slanted ceiling right over the four-poster bed at the side of the room.

I started to put up my posters of The Smiths along the walls. Okay, the first thing you need to know about me is that I love music. I mean, I know everyone says that, but I'm serious. I can't live without it. I listen to it as much as humanly possible; in the car, in the shower, before I go to bed. My favorite band has to be The Smiths, hands down. Sometimes I wish I grew up in the 80s just so I could've gone to their concerts. I've loved them since the moment I first heard them and it was like my soul connected to the music and to the lyrics. It's like they were singing lines about my life. Is that really weird? Since then, I've pretty much decided that this was going to be a life long love affair. And I know they have a bad stigma around them, like everyone who likes them must be some pretentious hipster kid or whatever, but honestly, I really don't give a crap. Because to me, The Smiths are _god._ No ifs, and, or buts about it.

Then I started putting up all the postcards and letters my friends had written to me before the big move. My hands lingered on one particular, a postcard from my best friend Jenna Knight. It had a picture of a donkey on it and I laughed out loud. See, it was part of this inside joke we shared. It was the first day of middle school. We were both eleven and in the same homeroom class. We were total opposites which I guess is why we became mortal enemies the first moment we laid eyes on each other. We even looked completely different. Me with my shaggy blonde hair and her with her curly brown hair.

Anyways, the year went by and there wasn't a day when we weren't complete assholes to each other. But then there was this one day in particular when I came in wearing this frilly pink dress Mom forced me to put on. See, I was pretty tomboyish when I was a kid and wouldn't be caught dead in a dress so I was pretty mortified to go to school that day. I went to my locker and quickly looked for my books not wanting to be seen by anyone but unluckily for me, Jenna happened to be walking down the hall at that exact moment and of course, she would not let me by unscathed.

"Oh my god." She began, "Is that Rin Takashi?"

I rolled my eyes and shut my locker. I stuck my hand on my hip and glared at her.

"What do you want Jenna?"

She snorted and then laughed, "Wow. Someone might actually think you're a girl now"

"I guess you're just jealous because you don't look like one!", I yelled back at her.

She scowled at me, "You take that back! You-you loser!"

"Freak!", I spat.

"Bipolar idiot!", she shot back.

"You flying donkey on a rolling doughnut!"

I have no idea to this day why the hell I said that. Or how I even thought of that. It just kind of came out. Anyways, she stood there in complete silence, rendered speechless. I mean what kind of comeback could you say to top something like that? Her face turns red and scrunches up and for a moment I think she's going to start crying. But then she starts laughing, loud stomach clenching laughs. Pretty soon, I'm laughing too and now the both of us are just standing there in the middle of hallway laughing like lunatics.

Since then we've been inseparable, and despite the fact that we're still really different from each other, we found that we actually complement each other. Like the fact that I'm an only child and she has three younger siblings, who are 4, 7 and 10 years old, and drive her absolutely crazy. So my room became a safe haven for her and she practically lived there cause she wanted to get away from the so-called "demon spawns". And hey, I liked having someone around since Mom was always at work and I was a latch-key kid. Between the two of us, we have so many inside jokes that its practically become a secret language.

It's kind of weird to be in this room now, which doesn't even really feel like mine yet. It's even weirder to think that Jenna's not going to be around here either. Suddenly, it feels like the room has expanded in size and I'm all alone. I picked up my I-phone and tapped in Jenna's number.

Jenna: Hello?  
Me: Hey Jen.  
Jenna: Rin?  
Me: The one and only.  
Jenna: Oh my god. Are you in Ohio already? What's it like?  
Me: Two words. Corn. Fields.  
Jenna: Oh god, that bad?  
Me: You have no idea.  
Jenna: Did you start school already? School starts tomorrow here. It's going to be pretty weird without you Rin.  
Me: Ughhh…I don't even want to think about it. I can't believe Mom made me switch schools in my last year.  
Jenna: Yeah, that's insane. I'm gonna miss you like crazy. You're supposed to be there for me while I freak out about not being able to find a date for senior prom.  
Me: Knowing you, you're not gonna have an issue finding a date for prom. Anyways, how is everyone?  
Jenna: The same since the last time you saw them. The demon spawns are still as annoying and demony as ever.  
Me: Haha, I don't know how you're going to deal with not being able to escape to my room anymore.  
Jenna; Oh my god, don't even bring that up. I don't know how I'm going to survive this year without you.  
Me: Jeez, tell me about it.  
Jenna: Jeffy stop! Don't touch that! Sorry Rin, I gotta go. My little brother's being a brat.  
Me: Alright, tell him I said hi.  
Jenna: Will do, when I'm done kicking his butt. Hey, good luck tomorrow. Don't worry too much, you're like the most awesome person I know. People will like you.  
Me: Thanks. I hope so.  
Jenna: Bye!  
Me: Bye.

I clicked the red end call button but continued to stare blankly at my phone screen. Somehow I felt lonelier having talked to her than I did before. My best friend, and my life, was a million miles away and somehow, I felt like nothing would ever go back to being normal again.

Worse yet, tomorrow I faced a day when I would have to drag myself to a school where I knew no one. It was like being exiled to a foreign country. I exhaled. Tomorrow was going to be a long day.


End file.
